I'm suppose to play a game this afternoon, but I have been playing horribly because of some fear that I can't get out of my head. Soccer is whats expected of me by friends, family, and myself. But last week I was told I wasn't good enough anymore. This brought mixed feelings. Most were feeling of anxiety though. My coach wants me to play this afternoon, but the more and more I think about it, I don't want to go. i'm so confused at what I am feeling.
One part of me says that I should go, because I commited to this soccer team and I have to be there if I said that I would. Another part of me says that this is not what I like. If I go somewhere I don't want to be I'm not going to be happy. But will I then be disapointed in myself for not going and putting up with it and probably playing badly again.
I haven't read much of the book so far. Maybe this is why I can't help myself out at this point.
Any words of advise? or insight into why my head is pulling me in two different directions?